This article builds on a recent series of webinars on wellbeing held by Dental Protection in partnership with Wild Monday. 

You can watch the webinars here. 

One of the major areas the team discussed was how to support your colleagues without burning yourself out.

If you're reading this, chances are you've found yourself in this situation – a colleague is struggling, and you step in to help. Maybe you cover their shift, take on their admin, or spend your lunch break listening to their problems. It feels like the right thing to do. After all, healthcare is built on teamwork and mutual support. 

But here's the uncomfortable truth – if you're constantly rescuing others, you might not be helping them, or yourself, as much as you think. 

The hidden cost of being the hero 

In our recent webinar for Medical and Dental Protection, we explored a powerful psychological model that explains why well-intentioned support often leads to burnout. This is known as the Karpman Drama Triangle. 

Developed by Stephen B. Karpman MD, this model describes a dysfunctional relationship pattern where people unconsciously adopt one of three roles: Rescuer, Persecutor, or Victim. Sound familiar? 

The Rescuer believes: "They are helpless. If I don't help them, it'll be a disaster." 

The Persecutor thinks: "They are useless. Why can't they do as I ask?" 

The Victim feels: "Why have I got to do everything?" 

This dynamic is particularly relevant for healthcare professionals, where we're trained to rescue. It's literally in the job description. But as authors Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp note in their book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: "We believe that 'heroing' is a primary form of unconscious leadership. It is toxic because it often leads to burn out, supports others in taking less than their full responsibility (being victims) and rewards behaviours that ultimately lead to individual and team breakdown." 

The problem isn't that you're helping – it's that constant rescuing keeps colleagues dependent, prevents the development of competence and autonomy, and steadily depletes your own emotional reserves.

Breaking free – from drama to empowerment 

The good news? There's a way out of the drama triangle. By shifting your role, you can support colleagues more effectively while protecting your own wellbeing. 

Victim to activator 

Once you recognise the victim pattern in yourself or others, the goal is to help people step into a more empowered stance. A victim can become an activator. An activator is someone who recognises their own agency and takes responsibility for what they can influence. 

A great place to start is using The Zone of Power tool. 

One of the most powerful concepts for both supporting others to step out of the victim role and protecting yourself is having a clear understanding of your "zone of power" – what is inside and outside your control in any situation. 

Imagine a colleague saying, “Management never listens, so there’s no point raising concerns.” They feel stuck. Helping them map their Zone of Power can shift the conversation from helplessness to action.

What you can control: 

• Yourself (mostly!) – your responses, choices, decisions. 

• What you say and do, and don’t say or do 

• Where you go and when 

What you can’t control: 

• What other people say and do 

• How other people react 

• What other people think of you 

When you help a colleague identify their zone of power, you help them see they have more agency than they might have first thought. And crucially, you avoid taking on, and carrying, responsibility for things that are outside your control. 

Persecutor to catalyst 

A catalyst is someone who communicates, has boundaries, and is constructive. Getting clear about what you expect from others and making sure you’ve done what you can to reduce frustrations and causes of workplace stress is key here.

Understanding the root causes - the stressors hexagon 

To truly support your colleagues (and yourself), it helps to understand what's actually causing workplace stress. The Health and Safety Executive identifies six key areas, and this model is adapted from that. Simply asking your team what’s working well in each area and what would be ‘even better if...’ can uncover some quick wins. 

Think of the below as clinical “pressure points”. When one is overloaded, the whole system feels it… 

• Demands – work overload, working conditions, time pressure 
• Control – lack of participation in decisions, poor consultation 
• Support – inadequate line management and resourcing 
• Career – job insecurity, thwarted ambition, over-promotion 
• Relationships – difficult dynamics with colleagues or managers 
• Role – ambiguity, conflict, excessive responsibility for people 

Rescuer to coach 

As a coach, you don't solve problems for people – you help them find their own solutions, wherever appropriate. Your role shifts from "I'll fix this for you" to "what resources do you already have? What options can you see?" 

This isn't about being unhelpful. It's about recognising that your colleague has the capability to solve their own challenges – they just need support to access it – and often this starts with simply listening well and creating space for them to think. 
 
As Nancy Kline writes in Time to Think: "The quality of my listening determines the quality of your thinking." 

Practical coaching questions that transform conversations 

When a colleague comes to you feeling overwhelmed, resist the urge to immediately solve their problem. Instead, try asking: 

• "What do you need from me?" 

• "What's the real issue here?" 

• "What options do you have?" 

• "What's stopping you?" 

• The magic question: "What advice would you give to someone else in the exact same situation?" 

That last question is particularly powerful. It bypasses the emotional overwhelm and accesses the person's own wisdom and problem-solving ability. 

Stepping out of the drama triangle builds sustainable motivation 

This is a powerful antidote to workplace stress. Daniel Pink's research in the book Drive identifies three factors that create intrinsic motivation and help people thrive: 

• Autonomy – the ability to have control over your own decisions 

• Mastery – the development of expertise in something 

• Purpose – an inspiring reason why you're doing the work 

When you support colleagues by helping them access these three elements – rather than simply doing things for them – you create sustainable change. 

What you can do today 

Supporting your colleagues without burning out isn't about doing less – it's about helping differently. Here are three immediate actions you can take: 

• Recognise the drama triangle in action. Notice when you're slipping into Rescuer mode. Ask yourself: "Am I doing this for them or with them?" 

• Ask coaching questions. Instead of immediately offering solutions, use powerful questions to help colleagues access their own wisdom and resources. 

• Help people identify their zone of power. When someone feels overwhelmed, guide them to distinguish between what they can control and what they can't. Then focus energy on the former. 

Moving forward 

The healthcare professionals who thrive sustainably long-term aren't the ones who can carry the most emotional and mental weight – they're the ones who know how to share it effectively, what is theirs and what isn’t. 

By stepping out of the drama triangle and into coaching conversations, you create a culture where people are encouraged to take ownership, feel empowered, and develop their own problem-solving capabilities. And crucially, you protect your own wellbeing in the process. 

Because here's the reality: if you burn out trying to rescue everyone else, you won't be able to help anyone – including yourself. 

Want to go deeper? These three toolkits created specifically for Dental Protection members, which include practical resources and advice:

• Burnout Toolkit 

• Overwhelm SOS toolkit

• Complaints Toolkit 

Dr Sarah Coope and Dr Rachel Morris deliver training for healthcare professionals through Wild Monday, helping busy clinicians beat burnout and work sustainably. Rachel hosts the You are Not a Frog podcast.